When I Feel God the Most
This post wasn't on my blog calendar, but as I sat down to write my heart began to sing as I was alone for the first time in what seemed like months.
Like most September mornings it was burning hot in Dallas. I was inside my office, sitting at my desk looking out the large window to the tree filled front yard where leaves were somehow falling (most likely dying from heat stroke), but inside my office it was cold. Well 74 degrees which is cold to me, so I had to grab an oversized cardigan to wear. As I sat down my mind was tricked, just for a moment, into thinking it was fall and I felt my heart quicken at the familiar feeling that fall brings me.
Call me basic, but fall is my favorite time of year...
Now before you say it because I'm sure you're all thinking it... Yes, I'm a white girl and I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy that fall allows me to wear oversized sweaters and cardigans. Yes, I enjoy eating pumpkin flavored foods and drinking delicious warm coffee. But I also love seeing the leaves change, because just like my life with Jesus, there is beauty in the dying. I also love hearing the multicolored leaves crunch under my feet and that fall brings many holidays that gather me together with my family and friends, but these are not the reasons I love fall most.
I love fall because my work schedule changes and I'm alone most of my days. This is what makes my heart sing about fall.
As far back as I can remember I would chose sitting in my room making crafts, or reading, or writing stories alone over going out with the neighborhood kids to play. I felt most myself when I was alone in my own world that I built up in my endless imagination.
And now, though I am much older, I love that in the fall I get to cuddle up on my couch in the morning with a steaming hot cup of black coffee and read. I love stepping outside and having tendrils of my hair dance around my head as a gust of north wind blows. I love getting to close my eyes simultaneously breathing in the smokey scented air and then opening them to see grey skies as far as my blue eyes can see. And I love that I get to enjoy these things alone.
Now that I think about it the main reason I love to be alone is because in my stillness of me just being me I feel Jesus. I hear His whispers and His beckons. I feel His tender touch as I close my eyes at work and just breath Him in and out. In my aloneness I am more aware that I'm truly not alone... How ironic... when I'm alone I have the room to acknowledge, I'm never truly alone. I get to better embrace God's presence in my aloneness. In this season I don't feel the rush to cater to others needs or host a plethora of people. I don't feel the need to keep up conversations. When I'm alone my silence rings praise to the King. When I'm alone I feel sure of who I am and whose I am.
One of my favorite things to do when I'm alone is to sit with my legs crossed and just breath and let every inhale and exhale be worship to Jesus. With each breath in I'm inviting Him into my heart. Inviting Him to tear down any of my walls I've built up. With each breath out I'm exhaling striving, fears, stress...
I say all this to invite you into a season of just being with Jesus. Take a moment and think of when you feel God the most. Maybe for you it's in the conversation of fifteen of your closest friends or maybe you find Him in the laugh of your newborn baby or in the shower as you wash off the remnants of your 13 hour work day. Maybe you find God in the business of the city surrounded by thousands so loud there isn't a moment of silence or in the country staring as the grass dances across the field. However you meet Jesus best, carve out time to do that this season.